no no no.

My cell phone rang as I was helping MlleL out in the washroom, actually, on Friday morning. As we came out of the hotel bathroom, Husband announced 'your phone rang'. Uh huh. I heard it too.

Strange.

I checked the voice mail, the one I'm not supposed to have since the changing of the plans, but there it is, still blinking away. It was a work colleague and friend still on mat leave. 'You need to call me as soon as you get this', she said.

So I did, going back into the bathroom for a bit of privacy - and a seat on the toilet lid in my jammies.

'Why are they calling me', I thought 'what could be so urgent in the office?' but no. That doesn't make sense. I'm leaving in a week - I'll have been in and out in 5 weeks - not nearly long enough to have acquired the kind of expertise on something that gets you called while you're on vacation. And why would a work colleague on leave be calling anyhow?

No. Something must be wrong. An accident. Someone dying. Maybe boss-lady.

Instead, the news was of S.

Beloved, beloved, beloved S, who's prayed for health ran out after ten short weeks of marriage. Tiny, angry, headstrong, brilliant, funny S, who had too much pain for 27 years.

MlleL told me on Sunday as we were grocery shopping that I should be happy and not sad because S is happy now that she can be with her baby (who lived for 5 days in January) and with God. It's hard to argue with that kind of logic.

But I wish we didn't keep having to have these conversations.