"Pro-comfort"

Dear o.b.:

I've been a user now, for well, longer than I haven't. Well, hold on, I'm doing the exact calculations, and, including pregnancies and what-not, nope, still, more on that off, if you know what I mean. And I know that you do. But enough about me and my age.

What I'm writing about is your recent change in packaging, and, if I understand correctly, makeup of the coating of your product. I, as much as any, appreciate something that would be more comfortable, I really, really do. What I'd really like to question, however, is the decision of your marketing team to describe your newly designed product as 'pro-comfort'. Given that I might have a bit too much time over the past few days to contemplate actions in the ladies' room, I'd like to enquire as to who, exactly, these 'pro's might be.

I must admit my creative and intellectual limitations when I say that I can only think of two broad categories of employment in which one would have greater than the normal amount of experience and could be construed as 'pro's in the action of sticking things up kittens - who's comfort, then, were you thinking of? Perhaps a physician? I can tell you from experience that they are not necessarily concerned with my comfort (speculum, I'm looking at YOU), and as such, I am less compelled to purchase your product on their assurances.

I can only, then, assume that you might mean the working girl, who, we might acknowledge, does have experience with the aforementioned activities. I can only imagine what that client focus group might have gone like. In most areas of my life, I would argue that the working girl might not be the best model for choices, but in this particular instance, would like to thank you both. I appreciate your hard work and selflessnes in research to find the best solution for us all.

Until next time - Katie.