Egad. And also? Oh, god!
A public service announcement for parents with small children. (and to be honest - Mr. and Mrs. Maiden I'm looking at you here -this would also apply to parents with kids in their twenties as well. Am I right, LittleSister?)
Think of a plan. If you know me, you know I'm an advocate of planning. Because, as I've said before, you might not follow the plan, but at least you've thought the situation through. At least you have that.
Because if not? You do what we did.
Saturday, I went to visit the salon for a way, way overdue visit to the lady. So now I can wear shorts, if you get my drift. This new state of affairs must have been inspiring, because as we put the kids down for their afternoon nap, Husband made an unusual suggestion, to which I thought "why not?" Why not, indeed.
So as we were, ummm, in flagrante delicto on a blanket on the family room floor (as MasterP is currently occupying our bedroom) I looked up to see MlleL standing in the room. Trying to play cool and flip the blanket over Husband at the same time, I said "uh, hi, sweetie!" and she said:
"What are you doing?"
Giggling uncontrollably, Husband blurted out "We're wrestling!", to which I added helpfully "it's funnier if you don't have your clothes on."
Ah, yes. The highly probably humorous naked wrestling explanation.
Please let this be a lesson to you. A) make sure your kids are asleep before coitus, and B) think of something less desperate to say for when the situation undoubtedly will occur to you.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Happy Belated St. Jean the Baptiste Day!!
Oh, happy day! In traditional form, Janey and I celebrated (possibly for the last time, as a result of her recent announcement. Dang. ) the man of hair shirts, bugs and honey, and, most importantly, baptisms.
How, you might ask? Ah. Well. By the traditional baptism of feet in scented water and subsequent painting of toes, of course. Oh, didn't you know? Yeah, I'm pretty sure the Holy Father would decree this a suitable method for marking such a significant day. I mean, feet washing, right? That's holy - Mary Magdelene did it for Jesus.....
Hee. I dropped MasterP at the caregiver's for a trial run, and ran! I got to see Janey's new place, and all of it's fabulousness (and there's quite a bit, let me tell you!), almost got to drink some tea there, plugged the wrong parking meter, got a pedicure, and a parking ticket!!
I mean, what else could have made this more perfect?
Honestly. St. Jean really knew what it was about, supporting a holiday no-one else got. It's like someone shouted ollie-ollie-in-free! You get a whole day on your own to do what you want. Kids at day-care, spouses (if they work in Ontario) at work.
Remind me I said this next year when I'm complaining that I had to work Civic Holiday Weekend again, ok?
How, you might ask? Ah. Well. By the traditional baptism of feet in scented water and subsequent painting of toes, of course. Oh, didn't you know? Yeah, I'm pretty sure the Holy Father would decree this a suitable method for marking such a significant day. I mean, feet washing, right? That's holy - Mary Magdelene did it for Jesus.....
Hee. I dropped MasterP at the caregiver's for a trial run, and ran! I got to see Janey's new place, and all of it's fabulousness (and there's quite a bit, let me tell you!), almost got to drink some tea there, plugged the wrong parking meter, got a pedicure, and a parking ticket!!
I mean, what else could have made this more perfect?
Honestly. St. Jean really knew what it was about, supporting a holiday no-one else got. It's like someone shouted ollie-ollie-in-free! You get a whole day on your own to do what you want. Kids at day-care, spouses (if they work in Ontario) at work.
Remind me I said this next year when I'm complaining that I had to work Civic Holiday Weekend again, ok?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Why I buy Canadian
Well, because at heart, I'm a little bit lazy and impatient.
I could buy from elsewhere, but see, I don't like to drive over the border much - let alone with a yelling MasterP in the back seat. As well, I like to have my stuff here sooner rather than later. And I don't like to pay exorbitant duty and shipping. And frankly, Target won't ship to me here, so I'm sorta forced to in that regard.
So if I can, I do. I'm just hoping that Ann Taylor will decide to move here too. I think she'd like it. We're nice, and have a lot to offer as a kinder, gentler society than them south of us.
You know, except for Target and Ann Taylor.
I could buy from elsewhere, but see, I don't like to drive over the border much - let alone with a yelling MasterP in the back seat. As well, I like to have my stuff here sooner rather than later. And I don't like to pay exorbitant duty and shipping. And frankly, Target won't ship to me here, so I'm sorta forced to in that regard.
So if I can, I do. I'm just hoping that Ann Taylor will decide to move here too. I think she'd like it. We're nice, and have a lot to offer as a kinder, gentler society than them south of us.
You know, except for Target and Ann Taylor.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
who's with me?
Ok. Baby showers are supposed to be about 2 to 2.5 hours max, right? (Unless they're at a bar. You know who you are! Thanks again - best shower ever!!!)
You go, you have sweets/snacks, drink the punch, play the ridiculous don't cross your legs/say baby games, guess at the contents of the diapers and how many jelly beans are in the jar, collect your prize if you've been so lucky, smile and demure when the mom-to-be opens your gift, eat the cake, and we're out, right?
Maybe I should have known from the fact that an entire email account had been set up that this was going to be an unusual party.
It began at 1. MasterP and I left at 4:30, having just about come to the end of what you can expect from a 8 month-old, and they hadn't even cut the cake. Even more disappointing than that, they hadn't put out the fruit for the CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. Sigh.
And I don't even know if I won the door prize. Bath and Bodyworks, y'all.
Now that's a bummer.
You go, you have sweets/snacks, drink the punch, play the ridiculous don't cross your legs/say baby games, guess at the contents of the diapers and how many jelly beans are in the jar, collect your prize if you've been so lucky, smile and demure when the mom-to-be opens your gift, eat the cake, and we're out, right?
Maybe I should have known from the fact that an entire email account had been set up that this was going to be an unusual party.
It began at 1. MasterP and I left at 4:30, having just about come to the end of what you can expect from a 8 month-old, and they hadn't even cut the cake. Even more disappointing than that, they hadn't put out the fruit for the CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. Sigh.
And I don't even know if I won the door prize. Bath and Bodyworks, y'all.
Now that's a bummer.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Oh goodness!
Just so I don't forget, I'll jot it all down now.
Wednesday night: the late night arrival of Mrs. Maiden - several hours past her arrival estimate, finding me on the verge of what? calling the police? Is that what you do when your mother is out late?
Thursday: MlleL stayed home with us, and we all (Mrs. Maiden, MlleL, MasterP and I) went to our Thursday morning music programming. Awesome time was had - MlleL, having been when she was an infant, knows all of the songs, and really enjoys singing them to MasterP. So it was fantastic. And to top it all off, there was wonderful homemade baked goods for our snack. Love that lady!
So then, Mrs. Maiden needed a few things at the drugstore, and I needed some cards for Father's Day, so we all headed off for Billings Bridge. Where, as I was cruising the very full parking lot looking for a space, I looked up to see a perfectly nice man waving his arms in alarm. What, I thought, could that be...... CRUNCH. Ah. Yes. The Yukon, being backed into MasterP's door by an unjustifiably angry office worker and her equally unhelpful friend on their lunch hour (as was explained to me as the rational reason to why they refused to call the police - they were on their LUNCH HOUR, and thus, did not have time for that.)
This, after jumping out of the truck to say "What were you DOING??? I was just backing up to STRAIGHTEN MY CAR!!" and also, the best accusation of all - "My reverse lights were ON!!" Umm. yes. But you see, you backed your car into me. Thus, you DROVE YOUR CAR INTO MY CAR. In fact, INTO MY INFANT. (who didn't notice. Let me be clear for you, gentle readers, MasterP was fine. MlleL asked me what the bump was, and Mrs. Maiden was hugging the irate driver of the Yukon.)
Me? I was thinking that if they couldn't possibly call the police for an accident, would they for a beat down in the parking lot?
Friday: Oh, I forget. No. Wait - yeah, I forget. But I do remember that Mrs. Maiden told me the most high-larious story that she's never told anyone else. Heeeee. Heeeeeeeeee. No, I'm sorry. What if you mentioned it? Then she'd know it was me.
Saturday: Gymnapstics finale. Where, at the graduation ceremony where the kids were supposed to jump on the vault for a few jumps and then run up a ramp to receive applause from all and a ribbon, MlleL planned a HUGE jump off the vault that went wrong and ended on her face, with sobs and humiliation such that she was unwilling to accept the ribbon at all. We have an unfortunate photo of ME presenting (ta da!) with MlleL clinging to me.
Sunday: The day to end all days - Father's Day at Husband's big brother's house in the afternoon, after a morning of Filipino Independence Day Picnic at Vincent Massey Park. Wheeeee! Due to the fact that the Civic does not have room for more than the family four, we packed ourselves, carseats and all, into Mrs. Maiden's GMC Sierra. Man. Again, I am forced to say that I do understand the yearn to have an SUV. Particularly after having one drive into me.
The rest of the week has been spend in trying to get MasterP to sleep, both in the daytime and in the night - about every other night, he's awake screaming for 1.5 to 2 hours AT A TIME - usually from about 1:30 to 3 AM. It's exhausting. And makes me feel just the smallest bit broken. In fact? There he is, my dears.
I must run.....
Wednesday night: the late night arrival of Mrs. Maiden - several hours past her arrival estimate, finding me on the verge of what? calling the police? Is that what you do when your mother is out late?
Thursday: MlleL stayed home with us, and we all (Mrs. Maiden, MlleL, MasterP and I) went to our Thursday morning music programming. Awesome time was had - MlleL, having been when she was an infant, knows all of the songs, and really enjoys singing them to MasterP. So it was fantastic. And to top it all off, there was wonderful homemade baked goods for our snack. Love that lady!
So then, Mrs. Maiden needed a few things at the drugstore, and I needed some cards for Father's Day, so we all headed off for Billings Bridge. Where, as I was cruising the very full parking lot looking for a space, I looked up to see a perfectly nice man waving his arms in alarm. What, I thought, could that be...... CRUNCH. Ah. Yes. The Yukon, being backed into MasterP's door by an unjustifiably angry office worker and her equally unhelpful friend on their lunch hour (as was explained to me as the rational reason to why they refused to call the police - they were on their LUNCH HOUR, and thus, did not have time for that.)
This, after jumping out of the truck to say "What were you DOING??? I was just backing up to STRAIGHTEN MY CAR!!" and also, the best accusation of all - "My reverse lights were ON!!" Umm. yes. But you see, you backed your car into me. Thus, you DROVE YOUR CAR INTO MY CAR. In fact, INTO MY INFANT. (who didn't notice. Let me be clear for you, gentle readers, MasterP was fine. MlleL asked me what the bump was, and Mrs. Maiden was hugging the irate driver of the Yukon.)
Me? I was thinking that if they couldn't possibly call the police for an accident, would they for a beat down in the parking lot?
Friday: Oh, I forget. No. Wait - yeah, I forget. But I do remember that Mrs. Maiden told me the most high-larious story that she's never told anyone else. Heeeee. Heeeeeeeeee. No, I'm sorry. What if you mentioned it? Then she'd know it was me.
Saturday: Gymnapstics finale. Where, at the graduation ceremony where the kids were supposed to jump on the vault for a few jumps and then run up a ramp to receive applause from all and a ribbon, MlleL planned a HUGE jump off the vault that went wrong and ended on her face, with sobs and humiliation such that she was unwilling to accept the ribbon at all. We have an unfortunate photo of ME presenting (ta da!) with MlleL clinging to me.
Sunday: The day to end all days - Father's Day at Husband's big brother's house in the afternoon, after a morning of Filipino Independence Day Picnic at Vincent Massey Park. Wheeeee! Due to the fact that the Civic does not have room for more than the family four, we packed ourselves, carseats and all, into Mrs. Maiden's GMC Sierra. Man. Again, I am forced to say that I do understand the yearn to have an SUV. Particularly after having one drive into me.
The rest of the week has been spend in trying to get MasterP to sleep, both in the daytime and in the night - about every other night, he's awake screaming for 1.5 to 2 hours AT A TIME - usually from about 1:30 to 3 AM. It's exhausting. And makes me feel just the smallest bit broken. In fact? There he is, my dears.
I must run.....
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
this post brought to you by a 700 year old.
Ok.
I realize I'm in my 30s. But it wasn't so very long ago that I was in my 20s. And for quite some time between then and now, I frequented the Jacob Annexe (now Connexion) at South Keys. So much so that the staff recognized us, Husband and I.
But somehow, after I've had the chillens, something has changed in our relationship. I feel dismissed and old. But I don't think it's all me. The clothes look super-cheap. What has gone wrong?
MasterP and I walked in today, ready to spend money on some reasonably trendy looking summer clothes. I was even ready to shop in size larger than I require in other stores. So I grabbed a bunch of things - I was really hoping for tops, as somehow, I've gotten much taller since I've had kids - and headed to the dressing room the staff member picked out for me.
It was just large enough for the stroller and me. Not large enough for the stroller and me and the actual trying of crappy cheap clothes on. Which I did, awkwardly contorted around MasterP. And was thoroughly disappointed with what resulted.
So I was forced to head down the strip - because if it's not at South Keys, these days, I don't go - to this store, where I fit a considerable range of clothes in a much smaller size. Me and all the blue haireds shopping there this afternoon were very pleased with what we bought.
Sigh. Where do the suddenly tall get their shirts?
I realize I'm in my 30s. But it wasn't so very long ago that I was in my 20s. And for quite some time between then and now, I frequented the Jacob Annexe (now Connexion) at South Keys. So much so that the staff recognized us, Husband and I.
But somehow, after I've had the chillens, something has changed in our relationship. I feel dismissed and old. But I don't think it's all me. The clothes look super-cheap. What has gone wrong?
MasterP and I walked in today, ready to spend money on some reasonably trendy looking summer clothes. I was even ready to shop in size larger than I require in other stores. So I grabbed a bunch of things - I was really hoping for tops, as somehow, I've gotten much taller since I've had kids - and headed to the dressing room the staff member picked out for me.
It was just large enough for the stroller and me. Not large enough for the stroller and me and the actual trying of crappy cheap clothes on. Which I did, awkwardly contorted around MasterP. And was thoroughly disappointed with what resulted.
So I was forced to head down the strip - because if it's not at South Keys, these days, I don't go - to this store, where I fit a considerable range of clothes in a much smaller size. Me and all the blue haireds shopping there this afternoon were very pleased with what we bought.
Sigh. Where do the suddenly tall get their shirts?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Thursday's voicemail
"Hi honey, it's Mum. The plumber is also bringing his pump to pump the cistern. So I guess I should be there for that. I'll be down Wednesday night."
Cool. We're going to be able to have two working toilets in time!!!!
Cool. We're going to be able to have two working toilets in time!!!!
Friday, June 6, 2008
Wednesday conversations with my mother
"so.... Since I've sold the car, and got the guy coming to get the water turned on and everything, I'm feeling like I can get out of here and come see you guys pretty soon!"
"Mom, that's fantastic! When you say soon, when were you thinking?"
"The weekend?"
"(!!!!!!) Umm, great! Well, just keep me posted on how that's coming..."
"Mom, that's fantastic! When you say soon, when were you thinking?"
"The weekend?"
"(!!!!!!) Umm, great! Well, just keep me posted on how that's coming..."
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday update
Miles run? 3 (mental note for future: give those tired PC muscles a break and go to the bathroom before a run)
Hair? Flat ironed
Nails? French tipped (thanks, Sephora!)
Shirt? Clean, with coordinated scarf!
MasterP? In bed by 7:15
8:15 showing of SATC? SOLD OUT.
Starbucks? Awesome.
And also? Wearin' the pregnancy wedding band on the right hand. It's a little promise to me about something I might talk about in a little while. I'll see how it's going and keep you posted, ok?
Hair? Flat ironed
Nails? French tipped (thanks, Sephora!)
Shirt? Clean, with coordinated scarf!
MasterP? In bed by 7:15
8:15 showing of SATC? SOLD OUT.
Starbucks? Awesome.
And also? Wearin' the pregnancy wedding band on the right hand. It's a little promise to me about something I might talk about in a little while. I'll see how it's going and keep you posted, ok?
Monday, June 2, 2008
Big Love
So.
I helped Husband finally move his mistress out of the basement. That's right. I pushed her up the stairs, and held the patio door open while the boys pushed her out the back door and through the back yard.
Wheeeeee!
Except that if I'm totally honest, I guess she's actually the first wife. He had her before he met me, so.... Looks like I'm the interloper here. Anyhow, I have opposable thumbs, so I'm claiming the first wife place in her absence.
When I told Mrs. Maiden about this, she laughed and said that she had just had a celebratory dinner at the Inn after getting the 'other woman' out of the backyard. Hopefully, the marina can help with her sale. In her absence, Mrs. Maiden bought herself a brand new lawn tractor.
Aren't we feeling powerful?
I helped Husband finally move his mistress out of the basement. That's right. I pushed her up the stairs, and held the patio door open while the boys pushed her out the back door and through the back yard.
Wheeeeee!
Except that if I'm totally honest, I guess she's actually the first wife. He had her before he met me, so.... Looks like I'm the interloper here. Anyhow, I have opposable thumbs, so I'm claiming the first wife place in her absence.
When I told Mrs. Maiden about this, she laughed and said that she had just had a celebratory dinner at the Inn after getting the 'other woman' out of the backyard. Hopefully, the marina can help with her sale. In her absence, Mrs. Maiden bought herself a brand new lawn tractor.
Aren't we feeling powerful?
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