My Daily Mystery

Their apartment is situated just across from my office at school - at the top floor of what I assume to be a three story walk up.

The very kind in which Husband and I lived in the early days.

Each day, I see one or both of the in their bathroom slippers and robes for frequent ciggy breaks on their balcony, to the railing of which is tied a plastic owl. They must be having problems with interlopers of one kind or another.

It is the middle of the day, during a space of a couple of weeks. Could it be that they work the night shift? Their faces are young but worn. Her hair is recently cut and colored and her nails painted a dark red, and yet she stands hard in her robe, sweeping the balcony of any dirt as she smokes the first of today's cigarettes. The broom remains at the ready throughout the day, propped in the corner of the railing.

They have a bucket for the butts, and neatly tuck them in, their hair trendy and their tv, and its endless talk shows, is almost big enough for me to read the subtitles.

They are watching Judge Judy.

He is pacing again - he's always pacing - now in a jacket and slippers, dressed but for the slippers.

What do they do, in their apartment all day? What has prematurely aged them so? Their faces grey, lined and unsmiling as they pace with a cigarette.

What keeps them trapped so, with only their balcony as an escape?

oh. my. goodness.

2 hours and 20 minutes of KISS. Some of it in the rain.

They were amazing.

It was an amazing, amazing show.

I'm not a huge fan, and I certainly didn't even know most of the songs, but they're icons, you know? They're icons.

And oh, I screamed for them. I leaned back and howled.

So much fun.

But my lesson learned? Well, I could rock and roll all night, but if I rock and roll, and mama (nights are still rough chez Valentine - both kids up last night again), and try to 'party every day' on four hours of sleep, I'm going to be forced to have to go home early to spend a few hours horizontal under the covers.

Dudes.

I'm exhausted.

In a way that's hard to explain, the depths of the exhaustion. So much so that today's parking ticket almost made me cry, right there on the sidewalk beside yet another unsuccessfully plugged meter. But hopefully, the teeth will come soon, and transit strike will end, Christmas will be celebrated, the First Ministers' Meeting will happen in January, they'll think I'm doing a good job at the new work, and we'll all sleep better for it.

And also? Just a few lessons from a recent Friday night out.

First: Late night shopping without kids IS as fun as you remember it was. Especially if you're with a girlfriend.

Second: While shopping wearing the pink sock monkey jammies your mom bought you at Target for the three-generations-in-sock-monkey-jammies photo op, it's much easier to feel sane if you don't look down.

and finally:

If you are a teenage member of the 'style squad' - St. Laurent Centre, I'm looking at you - and you're tempted to treat adults wearing sock monkey jammies like crap, please remember that there's a much greater chance that adults will write to your boss to complain about your behaviour. Just sayin'.

Wait for it....

This morning, as I drove through the Glebe, a lady in front of me, tired of waiting for a clearing in traffic to make a left hand turn (which, by the way, was approaching in like, 5 cars), simply drove directly through the oncoming cars. Which, upon seeing her rapid advance, slowed to allow her to pass.

I was amazed at her audacity. And, as it happened, we ended up next to each other at a stoplight. She was an older lady - in her 50s, I'd guess, but well kept.

As we waited for the light to turn, she loosened her hair from its pinning, and shook it out; it splayed out rather erratically, but I think she liked what she saw as she admired herself in her rearview mirror, because she pursed her mouth and blew herself a kiss.

And there she was. Right next to me.

Snaggle haired and crazy faced.

Week's roundup...

Wow. Another week gone. Seems faster and faster.

MasterP and I have another week and a half, and then he is in daycare for four half days, and then I'm back to work.

He's 11 months old today. Yesterday, he took a step on his own. He fell right away, but it's beginning! First step! Woooo!

And, of course, there was JT and Janey's birthday party on Saturday night. First, I must start with the fact that I went feeling ok about myself. I had dug out some prebaby jeans that were fitting, and a trendier shirt, a normal bra (HAH!), my 'pakey' coach bag and my new metalic ballet flats and was thinking I was doing a reasonable job of having ok bar clothes for a mother of two who's been married for nearly 8 years. I was even practicing flirting on the drive in. That's not hot, but a girl should be prepared, you know.

Sadly, I realized several things as I entered the bar: first, while I think that 8:30 is a perfect time to start drinking, apparently, it's not so cool to start before 10. Or, at least, the bar doesn't open before 10. (Luckily for me, my one drink can still be had.) As well, in the time I've been away from the scene doing things like working, having babies and stuff, bar clothes have certainly changed a bit. As I mentioned to another party goer, I'm very happy I'm no longer single. I don't think I can afford that many strapless bras. Finally? While the clothes have gotten fancier, the bathrooms are still just as grotty as they always were.

That being said, there were some definite highlights for me:

1. Seeing the folk I work/ed with and being reminded that really, they're a pretty fun gang.
2. Seeing Miss Emm and her fascinator. Dude! Way to bring it!
3. My somewhat successful forays into the world of flirting. Happily, only one conversation turned awkward such that it required the 'getting a drink' lie.
4. JT's finally calling me 'bella' too. Yay!
5. The random gentleman blocking my exit from the parking garage, who, as he wandered past me with his gang of friends, told me 'Look nice tonight!' despite my stink eye and the two car seats. Seriously, thanks. You're pretty awesome too!
6. And my favorite - Madalone, B and myself very seriously discussing what to drink. Which ended with Madalone ordering shooters and the phrase "I dunno. Six??"

Awkward

Conversation had at the reception after the funeral:

"You're the one who speaks Polish, right?"
"Me? no. I don't speak Polish."
"Well, what languages do you speak?"
"Uh, well, English, I guess, and you know, bureaucratic French, for the most part...."
"Yeah, that's what happens. My kids only speak English as well.... You were born here?"
"Uh, yeah. In Canada, you mean? Yes. I was born in Canada."
"They were born here too. Lost their language as well..."

Well, I suppose, had I ever found Polish, it'd have been a damn shame for me to have lost it.....

Does this shorter hair make me look Eastern European?

Things I said yes to last night:

1. $10 parking
2. Do you have a snack?
3. The dinosaur ride and the firetruck ride and the Raiders of the Lost Ark ride
4. Should we buy more tickets?
5. The VW bug ride and the elephant ride and the airplane ride
6. The bumper cars
7. $5 for a Batman balloon 'prize'
8. Pogo and fries for dinner
9. Giant lollipop for dessert
10. Do the carnies seem a higher class to you this year?
11. Did you see the no smoking signs?
12. A ride on my shoulders back to the car

and finally:

13. Wasn't this best Ex yet?

Happy Belated St. Jean the Baptiste Day!!

Oh, happy day! In traditional form, Janey and I celebrated (possibly for the last time, as a result of her recent announcement. Dang. ) the man of hair shirts, bugs and honey, and, most importantly, baptisms.

How, you might ask? Ah. Well. By the traditional baptism of feet in scented water and subsequent painting of toes, of course. Oh, didn't you know? Yeah, I'm pretty sure the Holy Father would decree this a suitable method for marking such a significant day. I mean, feet washing, right? That's holy - Mary Magdelene did it for Jesus.....

Hee. I dropped MasterP at the caregiver's for a trial run, and ran! I got to see Janey's new place, and all of it's fabulousness (and there's quite a bit, let me tell you!), almost got to drink some tea there, plugged the wrong parking meter, got a pedicure, and a parking ticket!!

I mean, what else could have made this more perfect?

Honestly. St. Jean really knew what it was about, supporting a holiday no-one else got. It's like someone shouted ollie-ollie-in-free! You get a whole day on your own to do what you want. Kids at day-care, spouses (if they work in Ontario) at work.

Remind me I said this next year when I'm complaining that I had to work Civic Holiday Weekend again, ok?

Tuesday update

Miles run? 3 (mental note for future: give those tired PC muscles a break and go to the bathroom before a run)

Hair? Flat ironed

Nails? French tipped (thanks, Sephora!)

Shirt? Clean, with coordinated scarf!

MasterP? In bed by 7:15

8:15 showing of SATC? SOLD OUT.

Starbucks? Awesome.


And also? Wearin' the pregnancy wedding band on the right hand. It's a little promise to me about something I might talk about in a little while. I'll see how it's going and keep you posted, ok?

Hooray!!

What a terrific day. It was the day all things went right.

Could this mean that MasterP will sleep through the night? Just asking.

I'm glad it was such a good day, as yesterday? Not so much. (This next bit is especially for Vicky. Janey? Look away. MasterP and I have been having problems with the left boob in particular, and yesterday, after finishing a nurse, he looked up at me with a smear of blood across his cheek. Not from biting.) Enough said there. Shudder, and yes, ow.

But today????

Today went like this. MasterP wouldn't take his usual lengthy morning nap (I suspect the cat woke him up jumping in his crib.) so I got him ready and headed out for a weigh-in, which I have been missing due to Thursday morning music programming.

At the WW, confirmation was made of the 21 lb loss over the past four months or so. YAAAY!!

And then? As I drove over to the produce place, I heard about SEPHORA OPENING IN OTTAWA ON FRIDAY!!! Man. It's better than the Lulu warehouse sale.

And then? The produce place, noting my difficulty with bags of produce and child in carseat, had staff carry my bags to my car for me. Very old school, and sooooo appreciated!

So then, all happy from all of that, I went to buy me my favorite latte at the Bucks' with my mother's day gift card, when their new policy of discounts for card holders was explained to me, and I watched as the cost of my latte went from 5 something to 3.64. Haaaaaaa!

And then???? I got home, and Mrs. Maiden called to tell me that CRA reconsidered their taxes, and are allowing them to claim Canadian residency last year (as opposed to the money grubbing folk over at Service Canada who are requiring Mrs. Maiden to repay some of her and Mr. Maiden's OAS from last year - due to the fact Mr. Maiden was busy dying and couldn't come home.) so that the 5K or so of taxes we thought she would have to pay are going to be much, much reduced.

Sigh.

That? That was some good juju.

Deep inside the jungle, where nature's running wild...

Back when the SARS hit Toronto, there was this fabulous theatre deal. You could go, get dinner, a show, an attraction, and a hotel for a really cheap price. Practically free. We made use of that deal a number of times. The last show that Husband and I saw live was Mama Mia.

Mama Mia is an awesome, awesome time. So great, in fact, that we saw it twice. The second time (and truthfully, most of the first) we knew every word.

MlleL had her special day today, complete with a family trip to Go, Diego, Go LIVE! It was pretty terrific, seeing MlleL boogie to all of the songs - and we still knew every word.

The couple that kinks together...

Last night, I lay MasterP down to sleep and ran away to a party at a local, lady-friendly toy shop. It wouldn't have been my first choice for an evening out, but as I discovered, sitting down with a bunch of relative strangers (and a few good friends), most of whom had been drinking, to hear a VERY INFORMATIVE and very frank nuts to bolts discussion of sex (Hee) turned out to be great fun.

Letsee. We talked lube, and umm, 'ginas, and the things 'ginas like, then some stuff about the penis, and the types of things the penis likes, and then some about bums, and then about the accessories one could use for many different types of amusement, in the singular or plural.

The best, most informative part of the evening came as cars started to enter the parking lot and noise could be heard overhead.

"Oh," the moderator explained, "there's a private kink club upstairs that's having an event. We've been invited up when nothing was going on - it's a pretty interesting place - they have workshops on stuff like how to properly flog someone to avoid repetitive strain injury (my note: How much need you be flogging to have that happen, by the way?) and sometimes they have events where the music is pumping and there's frames to tie your submissive up to and stuff."

And then we had a brief discussion about the type of person who chose to be a submissive, and the types of stuff that went on there.... you know, from all of our broad personal experience of watching CSI.

And then? We had a guest at the door. It was a KINK EMERGENCY!!!

Someone had forgotten to bring their collar.

And then, into our midst walked what we could only assume to be the host of a couple new to the scene, and then that new couple. Master and slave. The slave was probably about 50, a slightly larger lady, wearing a black caftan and some lovely red and black cuffs. (the collar they bought was to match the cuffs) The host was a gentleman of about the same age, silver hair, tanned, and wearing a black leather vest over a black shirt and leather trousers, and the master?

Umm. He looked to be younger - like maybe in his 40s - and looked like he might have just finished a very nasty slightly mortifying P2 meeting, red face, khakis dress slacks, button down shirt and all.

Turns out I know NOTHING about kink. Turns out that when I claimed financial planning wasn't hot, I was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

Quick. Someone get me a whip!!