1. To my knit-suit-wearing, undergarmently challenged colleague:
My dear, I certainly do believe that the reason you wore your maternity pants throughout your entire maternity leave was due to your healing c-section scar. Really, I do. I mean, what other reason could there have been?
2. To the flamenco dress wearing lady on Bank street:
Madame, why so angry? Please look down at the riotous ruffles peeping from below your trench coat. Surely they will cheer you?
3. To the gentleman in the BMW:
Yes, you. First of all, yes, we can all see you chewing with your mouth open like that. Your mother must be so very proud of you. Secondly, the reason I did not proceed as quickly as you would have liked through the left hand turn was that I was simultaneously trying to steer and stop my three year old from throwing her brother's toys out the window. I can only assume that what you yelled at me through our mutually closed car windows as you sped by and cut me off after honking at me was a lovely pleasantry regarding the nature of Ottawa weather. RIGHT???
Just so you know? I'm not so sure that your car makes up for you in the laws of attraction.
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