There are a number of things nursing does for you. First, there's the benefits that everyone promises you: First and foremost, 'the weight!! will fall RIGHT OFF!!!' umm, kinda. I guess. Well, you WILL be hungry. So there's that. Second, they tell you that it will help your uterus return to it's original size. Check, I mean, I suppose....
But there's a couple of things the doctors, nursing advocates, and prenatal teachers do not mention. I'm here, my dears, to help you.
First, and not altogether surprisingly, you will have the largest breasts of your life. No really. Possibly the largest in the gym that you have begun attending a scant 5 months after your baby's birth - go ahead. Look around - I did.
As well, here's the one that no-one ever mentions. Think Swedish penis pump. I can also tell you, gentlemen, that if you use the aforementioned pump up to 8 times a day for 20 minutes at a time or so, you too will be surprised at the outcome.
Nursing nipples. Remember that Sex in the City episode? Did you also think 'but no-one has nipples that look that big'. Umm, well, maybe some single ladies do, but I can now point to a whole segment of the population that does.... And they don't 'relax' off-use. No really. You can see them through a fleecy.
As well? If I'm going to do anything with bounce, I'm going to have to employ the double bra system.
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2 comments:
I just read the fleecy bit to madalone over the phone. Our reaction? A simultaneous "ewwwwwww!"
And then we giggled.
And then vowed sterility.
You're back at the gym? Wanna make a gym date? We could do a day time workout with the boys...?
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