His 'Deal with the Devil', she off-handedly referred to it, as if it were an aspect of his death that had been considered and discussed before.
It's new to me, the knowledge of that bargain, that he refused to tell anyone about the extensive bleeding so that he might visit MlleL and spend time with her that summer - the last one he was in Canada. He loved her so much, she said, he just didn't know the price he would have to pay for that.
This dual responsibility - the influence and the knowledge - is too great for her to bear alone, but it is unbidden. I did not ask for it. I carry its weight with me everywhere - it's jagged edges surprising me in unguarded moments - and hope that through constant company and scrutiny I will wear those edges down and soften it so that eventually, I might fold it up and place it carefully away at the bottom of my bag with my good luck penny collection and my worry stone.
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He may not have known the cost, but would he have decided otherwise had he known? Knowing how much he loved her and how important it was to spend time with her- hopefully that will soften the edges. *hug*
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