Asset Qualifications

Some of you know that I have long held that I should have been a cheerleader in high school. No really. I stand by it. It turns out that I'm pretty good at dance routines - and, twenty years ago, I'm betting I could have learned to do the splits....

In any event, I've just learned of something that may affect my future job prospects. Apparently, years of yoga and swallowing emotion (please note: I am very happily married. This is not a reflection of that!) have lead to another talent, discovered while in labour with MasterP. AT 5:30 AM, when they finally let me into a delivery room after walking around for 2 hours in active labour, they put a monitor on me and my tummy.

As the next contraction came on, I closed my eyes, took a breath, and pushed down into my tummy and held there. (Unfortunately for me, I had to do this without the help of brownies, which are my favorite way for holding things down.)

And the nurse said "Huh. That's neat - I've never seen someone's pulse go down during a contraction." (!!!!)

Today, I tried it again. While I was on the treadmill. I'd just finished as much as I could from the inaugural run, and closed my eyes, and pushed me down, and there. The beeps went down. Now - not crazily, but each time, they went down. Here's the thing.

I've got six months before I have to return to work. As it turns out, I can willfully slow my heartbeat. I'm thinking I have a future in magic shows!!

Either that, or a definite out for interminable meetings. "I'm sorry, Katie seems to have coded again. We'll have to reschedule!!"

Dude. It's gonna be awesome!

Flattened.

Why the long wait between posts? Well, my dears, it's been tax week. Spend $40 for a few years in a row, and all of a sudden you're a tax expert. Or gifted in filling in computer forms. Or something.

After doing the family Valentine's, I've also spent the last few days doing the family Maiden's. Well, first I wore the hair shirt of guilt for procrastinating. And then I entered all the info I had and called Mum, where we talked about the details of what else I should put in there. Oh, you know, all the great international wealth we have south of the border. Snort.

In any event, I'm hoping that CRA has the same tough signing standards as HRSDC, and they'll accept the sig of "Katie Valentine for Mr. and Mrs. Maiden". Well, they'll have to accept someone's signature for Mr. Maiden, as unfortunately, that's all they're gonna get. Mr. Maiden's signature would be pretty creepy by now.

The real reason for the delay? I'm sad. I miss him, and I just signed my dead father's tax return. Mum was right. It is the financial paperwork that's the hardest.

Dandyland

So we're all at home today. One of the other mothers brought their kid to daycare with pneumonia, and we figured we'd just sit this one out. Seriously. That's not something we need in the house.

Anyhow. As I'm cooking, I'm listening to MlleL play "Dandyland" (Close your eyes. Can't you see them all prancing around in their ascots and spats?) It's a Dora Candyland, for those not fluent in Valenlanguage.

I'm sure you remember the original? She just pulled the card for Senor Tucan's "eyedrops".

Yum!

Lor' help us

I just downloaded Britney. Well, I downloaded two of her songs. I think Britney the actual person is a little too large for my ipod. Although, I have borrowed a stretchy sling, so I guess we could give it a go....

Why did I do this? Well, I saw the video at the gym, and kinda liked it. Poor kid. So crazy. Pretty talented, though, even through the crazy. (as an aside, I wonder what Van Gogh would have seemed like with 24/7 media coverage - dude. Hookers as lady loves, pure ghetto living, and it was his EAR, not just hair....)

Anyhow. The 'pod is getting a little bored of the feelgood mix. Now. You know I loves me some Big Will, Kanye, Def Leppard , and Bon Jovi, but are there good workout tunes I'm missing that I really should consider?

The siren's call

It's been such beautiful weather for the past week that MasterP, the BabyBjorn, and I have been taking an afternoon walk most days. It's under the hazy guise of errands, but really, it's an excuse to walk in the sun with my boy in easy kissing range.

On Friday, P and I walked over to Blockbuster and the Farm Boy on Bank, cutting back up Randall for a little variety. (Our usual route to anything is down Kilborn past the diocese, and out onto Bank.) Our route took us past the Alta Vista Elementary School at 3:30 on one of the first really warm Friday afternoons of spring.

Arriving from all around were the parents to pick up their one of a crowd of playing kids - the mums with their sleek ponytails and casual clothes speaking of stay-at-homeness, sitting on the benches around the playground watching their younger kids and waiting for their older ones. Standing in friendly groups on the sidewalk, each of them said hello to me as we passed, and most of them knew each other's names, including the obvious care providers.

I know I am blessed to have won the Cash-for-Life public servant lottery. I know that. But on days like that, with my baby's head lolling against me in nap, I feel like crap and I am jealous of the lottery I did not win, because I will never get to know these other mums, and my kids will never know the security of getting out of school to find me waiting for them. Instead, I will always be rushed, picking them up from the daycare pen an hour and a half after school has ended and whirling home to try to fix us all food before it's bedtime.

A multiple choice question...

So. If you had dyed your hair three weeks ago, and NOBODY said anything, which of the following reasons might be the cause of that?

a) It looks so good that everyone just took it to be your natural gift.
b) It looks so horrible that everyone hopes that if they don't say anything, you'll change it quickly.
or
c) They're just not that in to you?

In other hair news, I asked a Mennonite for her advice on what I should do with my hair. What do you think her advice was? (hee. 10 points if you guessed 'keep your glory'!!)

Fauxgenauf

Last night was Husband's night class, so I was on my own with the chillens. MlleL was VERY lovey during dinner - a lovely little dish I like to call fauxgenauf (it's TVP version is known to us as Mockenauf). It's made with ground turkey, cream of mushroom soup, fat free sour cream, mushrooms and tinned green beans served over whole wheat bowties.

MlleL leaned over, hugged me, and said 'You're such a good cooker, Mama.'

Made my day.

The many benefits of nursing

There are a number of things nursing does for you. First, there's the benefits that everyone promises you: First and foremost, 'the weight!! will fall RIGHT OFF!!!' umm, kinda. I guess. Well, you WILL be hungry. So there's that. Second, they tell you that it will help your uterus return to it's original size. Check, I mean, I suppose....

But there's a couple of things the doctors, nursing advocates, and prenatal teachers do not mention. I'm here, my dears, to help you.

First, and not altogether surprisingly, you will have the largest breasts of your life. No really. Possibly the largest in the gym that you have begun attending a scant 5 months after your baby's birth - go ahead. Look around - I did.

As well, here's the one that no-one ever mentions. Think Swedish penis pump. I can also tell you, gentlemen, that if you use the aforementioned pump up to 8 times a day for 20 minutes at a time or so, you too will be surprised at the outcome.

Nursing nipples. Remember that Sex in the City episode? Did you also think 'but no-one has nipples that look that big'. Umm, well, maybe some single ladies do, but I can now point to a whole segment of the population that does.... And they don't 'relax' off-use. No really. You can see them through a fleecy.

As well? If I'm going to do anything with bounce, I'm going to have to employ the double bra system.

oh my God, oh my God!

So Thursday was weigh-in. I'm officially .5 lbs from pre-MasterP. That's not to say pre-MlleL - I've still got some Janey/Directrice weight to go, and then a little more MlleL weight for that.

Wait a sec, you might say, how did Janey make me gain weight? Well, let me tell you. When I first came back to work after MlleL, Janey locked me in a room with 8 other folk for six weeks. She did. She pushed me right in there, put paper on the windows so we couldn't see out and locked the door. It was a little like big brother, only we took notes instead of having cameras.

Now. The schedule of this project was such that relying on public transit was no longer a real option for me. And so, we bought the humble car, and I started to drive. Thus, my daily sprint down the park-and-ride to the OTrain and subsequent 30 minute round trip hike to the number 8 was ended.

(Don't worry, Janey, there's a happy ending.) Driving allowed for creation of one of my very favorite ways to have spent time: the dirtiest carpool in the world, which I'm happy to say, was well worth the extra 7 lbs.

This morning as we were getting ready for a trip to Cora's, and I was eying my choices of trouser (ie, which poorly fitting, sorta used looking piece of clothing shall I wear with husband's belt?) my poor subconscious suggested my pre-MasterP jeans - I mean, it justified, we could wear them until we were 10 weeks pregnant, they might.......

Oh My God!!!

They did.

Hurrah!!!!!!!

Dear Internet...

Do you know I've been writing letters to you for years? I've just never mailed them.

They've been about so many different things - wails of grief about the unfairness of life (and indeed, there may be some more of those), musings on public transit (or why the OTrain made me feel civilized - almost like commuting in DC), weight (of course), work - oh, everything! and I always wondered what it would take for me to start posting.

Turns out, that missing motivation has been the suggestion of my very good friend Miss Emm, a star in the blogging world. (yeah, I'll get to the linking thing. I'm just figuring this stuff out here!) Mostly, I think she must have done it because this way, I'm not filling her already very, very busy work inbox with things I feel compelled to write down.

And so, my dear Internet, you have Janey to thank. Just not in her work inbox.

Love,

Katie.

This is not gonna be beautiful....

MmeL had her third birthday party a few weeks ago. Or rather, we had it, and she ran around, ate the hard-won Jasmine cake, and opened presents. Either way.

She received many, many presents, of which, one was a family of Potato Heads. Now. This is MmeL's first foray into the potato head, and bless her, she's a rule follower. 'No, Daddy!! This arm is the daddy arm. It's on the picture!' Husband was making a very funny offering using Mr. Head's mustache as a uni-brow. Fabulous, but not to MmeL, who found it NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

We explained the concept of the Potato Head. Seriously, silliness sometimes needs an explanation.

She started work again on Mrs. Head, and, finally getting it, giggled, and said, head down over her work, 'This is not gonna be beautiful!'

Heh. It's my new motto. Watch out.